What is Domestic violence? Domestic violence is a crime that almost always has no face or voice, the victim negates their voice and the criminal remains in the shadows. Domestic violence is the monster that lives under each victims bed and breathes fire into their nightmares in the form of fear, depression, anxiety, etc. Domestic Violence doesn’t always show up in the form of cuts and bruises on our skin, no the domestic violence I have known and lived is much worse and has produced a gaping hole in my soul. I lived in a vicious circle of being abused day in and day out, not by physical force – which in my opinion would have been way better than the EMOTIONAL pain that I endured. My domestic violent situation came in the form of venomous words that cut me deeper than any sword could slice flesh.
#DomesticViolence does not discriminate against creed nor color, it will not avoid any specific economic class. DV is kin of assault, harassment and even murder and the majority of the time it is husbands that inflict this form of violence on their wives (NOT ALWAYS). As I speak from experience, victims of domestic violence do not even know that there is a name for what they are experiencing. Victims are often encouraged by those around them – who are also unaware– to seek counseling or search for answers from professionals on what they can do so that their #abuser does not continue to #abuse them. I will admit that I once thought that there was something that I would be able to do to keep my ex-husband from verbally ripping me to shreds for no reason at all. I thought that if only I could be nicer, more understanding, more flexible to tending to his mental imbalances that I could restore and maintain peace within my home, but I was wrong. A person who exhibits this kind of behavior needs to seek out professional help and will only become well if they truly wish to be.
#DomesticViolence does not discriminate against creed nor color, it will not avoid any specific economic class. DV is kin of assault, harassment and even murder and the majority of the time it is husbands that inflict this form of violence on their wives (NOT ALWAYS). As I speak from experience, victims of domestic violence do not even know that there is a name for what they are experiencing. Victims are often encouraged by those around them – who are also unaware– to seek counseling or search for answers from professionals on what they can do so that their #abuser does not continue to #abuse them. I will admit that I once thought that there was something that I would be able to do to keep my ex-husband from verbally ripping me to shreds for no reason at all. I thought that if only I could be nicer, more understanding, more flexible to tending to his mental imbalances that I could restore and maintain peace within my home, but I was wrong. A person who exhibits this kind of behavior needs to seek out professional help and will only become well if they truly wish to be.
Before getting involved with my ex-husband, I was a take no shit type of female; literally no one could tell me anything about who I was or what I was going to do because I had all of the answers, all of the time. I thought I was invincible and unable to be manipulated until he walked into my life when I was 17, let’s call him Voldemort because I really don’t want to say his name. Undoubtedly, V said all the right things and had my 17 year old self swooning and at his beck and call because he was a bad boy, thrilling and he thought that he loved me. Long story short, I threw all of my 17 year old dreams of going to into the flames to run off with him.
During 7 years, we were married, divorced and had three children together. Our relationship was the typical domestic violence circle (see diagram below) of sweet amazing synchronicity, getting along, loving, tons of sex to darkness of storms, hateful speech, never ending tension and essentially walking on eggshells because I never knew how drunk he would get or how volatile he would be towards me. V’s drug of choice for numbing the torments in his head was alcohol, and while he numbed with sprits his demons always came out to play. In this same post where I speak of how turbulent my relationship was at the time I had so much guilt in my heart about ripping my kids away from their father because he did have his moments, when he wasn’t being a nasty human, of being a father to them. However; if you are reading this and are going through or have gone through a similar situation please do not use this as an excuse for staying. Babies are not an excuse to weather hurricane after hurricane because no child ever deserves to see their mother mistreated and abused for the sake of having their daddy in their lives.
The form of domestic violence that I experienced almost daily was verbal. Voldemort’s voice – telling me constantly that I wasn’t good enough, that I was fat, stupid, a bitch and FILL IN THE BLANK HERE became my inner voice. I allowed him to get into my head and I truly believed that I wasn’t good enough as a mother, wife and not even as a woman. Due to disregarding his behavior and treating it as something that would go away by itself, I stayed and made excuses that were cultivated from my own fears of what would happen if I mustered up the courage to stand up for not only myself but my kids too. What if I demanded more for us? What if I demanded What was the worst thing that could happen? The truth is, the day that I walked away I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Sure, uprooting myself and my kids from Florida to Jersey scared the shit out of me and to this day I still look back and high-five my past self for being ballsy enough to demand more for me and mine. Present day, I still struggle - I struggle with being angry, frustrated, EXHAUSTED (hey, being a single mama of three is no freaking joke). But, I have come to terms with the fact that it is OK to feel these feelings, to cry, scream and throw stuff to release the pain that I endured over the years.
Lady, along with feeling all the feelings make sure you TALK about it. You sharing your story of tribulations and triumphs of survival may be the fuel that the next woman needs to break free of a toxic relationship too. You are so worthy of being loved, never forget that.
During 7 years, we were married, divorced and had three children together. Our relationship was the typical domestic violence circle (see diagram below) of sweet amazing synchronicity, getting along, loving, tons of sex to darkness of storms, hateful speech, never ending tension and essentially walking on eggshells because I never knew how drunk he would get or how volatile he would be towards me. V’s drug of choice for numbing the torments in his head was alcohol, and while he numbed with sprits his demons always came out to play. In this same post where I speak of how turbulent my relationship was at the time I had so much guilt in my heart about ripping my kids away from their father because he did have his moments, when he wasn’t being a nasty human, of being a father to them. However; if you are reading this and are going through or have gone through a similar situation please do not use this as an excuse for staying. Babies are not an excuse to weather hurricane after hurricane because no child ever deserves to see their mother mistreated and abused for the sake of having their daddy in their lives.
The form of domestic violence that I experienced almost daily was verbal. Voldemort’s voice – telling me constantly that I wasn’t good enough, that I was fat, stupid, a bitch and FILL IN THE BLANK HERE became my inner voice. I allowed him to get into my head and I truly believed that I wasn’t good enough as a mother, wife and not even as a woman. Due to disregarding his behavior and treating it as something that would go away by itself, I stayed and made excuses that were cultivated from my own fears of what would happen if I mustered up the courage to stand up for not only myself but my kids too. What if I demanded more for us? What if I demanded What was the worst thing that could happen? The truth is, the day that I walked away I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Sure, uprooting myself and my kids from Florida to Jersey scared the shit out of me and to this day I still look back and high-five my past self for being ballsy enough to demand more for me and mine. Present day, I still struggle - I struggle with being angry, frustrated, EXHAUSTED (hey, being a single mama of three is no freaking joke). But, I have come to terms with the fact that it is OK to feel these feelings, to cry, scream and throw stuff to release the pain that I endured over the years.
Lady, along with feeling all the feelings make sure you TALK about it. You sharing your story of tribulations and triumphs of survival may be the fuel that the next woman needs to break free of a toxic relationship too. You are so worthy of being loved, never forget that.
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