la mala musings

Today we got into it, just like any other day except for the fact that you were drunk and more verbally abusive than normal. During the day, we had a heart to heart in which I thought you were being sincere. You told me you feel so bad about yourself for being such a disappointment all of your life which is why you turn to beer  Which deep down, I know is just part of the pity party you throw yourself daily. I told you that everyone that you have disappointed throughout your life doesn't give a shit anymore because they are out there living their lives, the ones you are disappointing the most are your kids and I. You were speechless, so I thought we had some sort of a breakthrough. As the night went on, I watched a movie with my little ones,  eventually falling asleep on the couch while you sat in front of the house and drank maybe 8 bottles of beer and half of a bottle of wine. When you decided you wanted more, you woke  me up out of a dead sleep trying to convince me about how i

Hey All - I know that I haven't posted on here in some time but I found the quote above and it spoke volumes to me. As some of you may know I am a mother of 3 beautiful kiddos (all under 5) who works her booty off full time to care for her household. I came to a sort of epiphany a couple of weeks ago, that for as long as I can remember I haven't done one thing for myself. In the hustle and bustle of the day to day chores of getting the kiddos to school, baseball practices, getting myself to work late almost everyday and so on and so fourth I literally have become a slave to my routine. After a day of running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I finally come home to fix dinner, give baths, check homework, fight the bedtime battles and finally bring myself to physically wind down and mentally gear back up to get ready to do it all again the next day. I have made a promise to myself to take more time to nurture and care for me. Putting one self first is such a simple